What Would Be Left?

What if I woke up one day and only had what I was truly thankful for?

What would I have left?

The past week and a half have been a trying lesson in thankfulness.  If there's a pop quiz demonstrating what I have learned, I will fail, (miserably!), for sure.

The stomach flu hit our Little Prince first.

Being only 16 months old, there was no verbal warning about a tummy hurting, just the projectile vomit of 10 ounces of half digested whole milk and remanent chunks of his french toast.

Last Saturday P was our 2nd victim.  All night.  Every 20 minutes.  My sweet husband was a rockstar and "took a big one" for the team as he weathered that storm all night.

Next up was T.  Middle of the night Sunday.  My turn to take over.  And, of course, the middle of Monday night too.

What wore me out?  The mess.  The smell.  The laundry.  The sterilizing.  The lack of sleep.

And, like clockwork, my sweetheart was hit next.

One night, 3 out of 5 of us had large bowls awaiting at bedside.  Funny, almost.

I'll be honest, I was actually jealous of my sweetheart as he lay in bed for 24 hours, while I now had a very active toddler (now standing on the kitchen table, once again!) and feeling better-than-ever, and 4 year old that was "better enough" to cause trouble and be difficult (with 2 days of unspent energy now lighting his fire!) and then there was a sick 6 year old still needing help with his stomach flu.

And...did I mention that it also rained almost the whole time everyone was sick!?

A LOT.

Think:  more than 7 inches of water-being-dumped-from-the-sky in 6 days type thing.

Playing outside was not an option unless I went and bought a rowboat for the backyard.  Not to mention that it was 37 degrees and the rain was blowing sideways at times or slushy snow.

The ground had reached maximum capacity and literally could not soak up any.thing.more.  Like a too-full sponge.

Man.  Could I relate to that feeling.

If you want to hit me where it hurts -- if you want to really cripple me -- take away the health of one (or more!) of my kids...if you really want to throw the cherry on top, take away my sunshine -- no, more than that -- make it so miserable and so dark that that there's virtually no difference between daytime and nighttime when you look outside.

That pretty much sums it up.

Was there thankfulness flowing from my lips?  Was I singing praise songs as they bubbled up from the depths of my heart?

Umm, no.  Not exactly.

Yesterday, after much anticipation, I finally got a fever and a bad headache.  I spent hours waiting for "the rest" to hit...it never did.

You know what?!  I was actually disappointed that I was up and about and did not have the excuse to lay in bed and do nothing!

Life carried on...And, it needed me to do just that too.

Once again, thankfulness for NOT getting the whole "packaged deal" of the flu was sorely lacking.

Such silliness, really.

(And today, our Little Prince has begun the lovely process of teething.  Again.  He's crying, screaming, throwing himself on the floor.  I had his ears checked for infection and they are bulging from the congestion but not infected.  Nothing much we can do.  Of course.)

My mom recently posed this question to me when she was visiting:  If we woke up tomorrow morning and all we had was what we were thankful for, what would we have?

Her words rang through my head today as I thought through this past week.

My answer:

A whole lot of nothing.

So, here I am.  It's off my chest.  I am ungrateful for ALL the things that ARE going my way.  My vision has been so clouded and I'm really frustrated.

This party is chalk FULL of pity!

It's self-pity, not thankfulness, that flows freely all the time.  In fact, MANY of my days are a far cry from seeing the beautiful blessings and gifts that God has bestowed.

However, it is a choice I can make.

And when I do -- really do --  the backdoor cracks open and blessings somehow seem to fall endlessly.

It's not that the blessings increase in number, but rather my blinders are off and the world is afresh, renewed, and a whole lot more lovely.  Awareness changes everything.

Isn't that what I have longed for all along?!

Why must it take me so long to rediscover this lesson learned?!

Perhaps it's for this reason that it's called a "Thankfulness Journey" not a "Thankfulness Destination".

The prayer of my heart today: "Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with your generous spirit" ~ Psalm 51:12

And, wouldn't you know?!  As I finish typing this, the sun is peeking out in the sky now for the first time in many, many days.  :)  Thank You, Lord.  Even if it's just for a moment.  How I needed this.