Blooming in the Shade

If all of life were sunshine

Our face would long to gain

And feel once more upon it

The cooling splash of rain

~ Henry Jackson Van Dyke

I continue to wrestle with the loss and heartache of loosing two babies through miscarriage.  Now that I am 2 1/2 months out from our 2nd, the pain has gotten much easier to bear.  However, the deep scars remain.  Some days and weeks are better than others.

I often find myself asking God why I must have times of darkness...doesn't He of Anyone know just HOW MUCH I love the brilliance of sunshine?!

His loving answer is "yes", He really does know.  But He loves me much more than I can ever dream or imagine and that's why He allows periods of darkness.  Through this He can teach me, mold me and shape me -- all the while He does not leave my side.  In fact, I feel like He's even closer somehow.

In a wonderful book called Streams in the Desert, given to me by my sweet mother-in-law right after our 2nd miscarriage, I found a passage that so eloquently described exactly what I have been feeling about this time in my life.

Here's a clip:

"In the shadow of His hand He hid me; He made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in His quiver." ~ Isaiah 49:2

In the shadow -- each of us must go there sometimes.  The glare of the sunlight is too bright, and our eyes become injured.  But fear not!  It is the shadow of God's hand.  He is leading you, and there are lessons that can be learned only where He leads.


The photograph of His face can only be developed in a dark room.  But do not assume He has pushed you aside.  You are still "in His quiver".  He has not thrown you away as something worthless...remember how closely the quiver is tied to the warrior.  It is always within easy reach of His hand and jealously protected.


In some of the realms of nature, shadows or darkness are the places of greatest growth.  The beautiful Indian corn never grows more rapidly than in the darkness of a warm summer night.  The sun withers and curls the leaves in the scorching light of noon, but once a cloud hides the sun, they quickly unfold.  The shadows provide a service that the sunlight does not.  The starry beauty of the sky cannot be seen at its peak until the shadows of night slip over the sky.  Lands with fog, clouds and shade are lush with  greenery.  And there are beautiful flowers that bloom in the shade that will never bloom in the sun.


This reading has resonated with my heart and reminded me once again of the importance of our valleys and darkness.  I am SO thankful I do not have to stay in this place, but also equally as thankful that such beauty can grow here that can grow no where else...

Dear Lord, please allow me to bloom where I am planted.  Even if it's not in the patch of the garden I want to be in right now.  I'll admit, I would not have chosen this spot for myself.


Thank You for what you can and will do in the times of darkness.  It's wonderful to know that I am right by Your side.  Thank You for finding us like an arrow, worthy of being placed in Your quiver.  Thank You that I am beginning to see glimpses of Your beautiful face.