I want perfectly clean. If I can't have that, at least the appearance of perfection will do.
Messy makes me feel out of contrrol. Messy makes me feel like a failure. Messy makes me feel worthless as a wife and mother. Messy makes me feel inferior to everyone else -- especially when they actually SEE it.
This week the amount of clutter, unwashed dishes, countertops, bathrooms and laundry was once again overwhelming...I could not escape it and it was haunting me.
I had a dear friend e-mail me this week and check in to see how I was holding up with husband gone and P's hard times. Humbled, I summoned up courage and shared honestly with her about the state of my house and how it had crossed into a land beyond messiness.
She wrote back and gently reminded me that houses just get that way sometimes...especially if kids or illness come into the picture. She shared how recently her house was in that state for a month as they battled a great deal of illnesses.
That news was a surprise coming from an amazing women that has all her kids' books in alphabetical order! She is the queen of organization (along with my sister). I still can't picture her house messy, but I'll take her word for it.
That made me take comfort that even the "best of these" have rough patches with housework.
I know that it happens. I am just so embarrassed about it. Ironically, when I don't have the time and energy to be taking care of the mess, I somehow summon up the energy to be consumed by it!
So, I then became determined to be ok with this mess.
I had to put my acceptance with my mess to the test. Not only one but 2 friends happen to come over this week on the day that the house was at it's prime of "un-loveliness". With a deep sigh, I opened the door and welcomed them each in, at separate times, with a smile as though it was sparkling clean.
(The comment from T's little 5 year old friend as she ran up to play in his room, "Your house is a HUGE mess!!".)
Ah yes, truth from the mouth of babes.
Then "state of the house" confessions followed from both ladies that came over. One friend that stayed up that night until 2 am cleaning up their mess before the house cleaner came the next day and the other said that my stairs looked just like hers -- sprinkled with random things to go upstairs ALL the way up the staircase.
Why do I always feel like I am the only one who struggles with things?!
I have come to adore the fellowship of other honest women.
A few weeks ago my dear sister-in-law sent me a link that I can not encourage you enough to wander over to: http://www.aholyexperience.com/
It's simply beautiful and just as refreshing.
This gal is like me. She does not have it all together. Yet, she has somehow not only accepted mess but rather embraced it whole-heartedly. In a recent post she opened my eyes to the fact that messy and perfect are worlds apart.
When it comes to the environment to raise kids, messy can be ok. Not when you're neglecting things and being lazy but rather when kids are being placed first and their activities and adventures are encouraged.
So, I'm getting it off my chest. If you'd like to come over, please do! I LOVE company...but please know that it may be really messy. And it's ok.
And the prayer now exhailed from my lips, "Lord, please bless this mess."
7 comments:
Ha ha...if I'm the friend you are referring to, let me just say that my books are not in alphabetical order! :) And it really is true...my house was a mess for a month. My mom was out of town so she wasn't even available for me to turn to. The laundry would get washed but not folded. It sat in the basket calling to me for days. And to be honest, the only reason the laundry got done was because IT HAD to get done with the amount of puking my boys did! So hang in there! We all have those moments of feeling like we aren't living up to our jobs. This all is temporary and soon you will be back to your ordinary routine.
Ahhhhhh - welcome to the land of multiple children and gone husbands :) I knew you'd arrive soon.
I keep telling myself that eventually I'll "catch up", but I finally have conceeded to the fact that I'm one mom vs. four children (and one husband most of the time) so it is statistically impossible that I can keep up. If I had one or two kids - yes, major possibility that I could be on top of things - but more than two kids? Nope, pretty impossible at this point in my life.
Here's the kicker - last week my mom took two of hte boys and I had only the younger two kids at home. Guess what? The house was pretty clean, but I was sick with missing them!!! I guess I'll take choas and my whole family anyday!!
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. Thank you for these beautiful, honest words, and for allowing your struggles (and all of ours with you)to be an encouragement. So glad you're enjoying a holy experience...now you just HAVE to read the book. :) I'm almost done...it's worth putting up with a bit more mess to have the time to read!
ha ha - dave was signed in again. it never lets me logout before leaving a comment ;0.
Love you,
Laura
Here is something I ask myself often: When my children are older and thinking about their childhood, do I want them to remember me constantly cleaning, fretting over a messy house and perhaps even being upset at them a lot for a lack of cleanliness, or do I want them to remember ME - being with them, playing with them, being ok with less than perfection? I am sure you know what the answer is. Our kids watch us and learn from us and our actions way more than the things we actually say. They know what we value as most important by what we do and what we spend our time doing. I have to remind myself of this daily and trust me, I fail often. But it is a very good reminder for sure. Thanks for your honesty!
Oops! That Anthony post was me accidentally signed in on my hubby's account! :P
I think that the commenter Elissa is a wise girl! I'm taking that to heart today...messy house and all.
Thanks for sharing your heart JA!
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