Dark/Light

Black and white.

This is how my eyes view the world.

It's either good or bad.  Right or wrong.  Beautiful or ugly.

That said, I'd like to share how God's been shaking things up for me, teaching me something radically different that contrasts with what I've always known.  Something that goes against my reality. 

He's revealing glimpses of how something ugly be beautiful.

I wrestle with this truth.  I am, however, slowly seeing that it really is just that.  Truth.

There can be beauty found in ugliness.  It's all in the seeing.

Can I actually find something to be thankful for if that something is not "good"?

Today started like a typical Tuesday morning.  I needed to get all 3 boys fed/dressed/out the door and endure the at least 45 minute commute through traffic to get to a moms group/Bible study.

As I got up early to shower and get ready before all 3 boys needed me, the incessant rain pounded outside and the thick dark clouds seemed to move indoors.  In the rush to grab breakfast, in the tiny window of a moment after feeding the baby but before feeding the older 2, I snapped at my dear husband.  I was really frustrated in the moment.

Ugly.

He left for work and I carried my stormy attitude upstairs to "greet" my 2 older sons, upon finding them creating a huge mess in their room, I "welcomed" their day in a not-so-pleasant way.

Ugly.

Half way through the 45 minute drive I heard through my car stereo the truth about mercy and second chances, as only can be told through a Veggie Tale movie about Jonah.

There is beauty found when the ugliness is washed clean with mercy -- a 2nd chance.  Thankfully, I serve a God that specializes in just that. 

And beauty in learning, (once again), that my tongue needs to be held back and briddled, like a horse...especially when my blood sugar is low, sleep is not enough and the time on the clock does not seem to provide enough for me to work with.

Beauty that comes from being humbled. 

My "new" eyes are attempting to search for beauty in the ugly.  Even if it's a teeny-tiny ounce.

The beauty is hidden and if I'm to see it, I have to change my prospective.  With an apology, I am very thankful all was not lost this morning...and thankful for 2nd chances.

I'm just beginning to grasp this concept that through ugly there can be beauty.  But, it's really so foreign to me.

This same reality can be applied to our dark, rainy, gloomy day today.  Dark, not light.  After a LONG winter, I struggle to find beauty in so much rain and darkness.

Attempting to put on different eyes, there's beauty that there's no drought in the northwest.  There's plenty, PLENTY of green to be seen wherever one looks.  I like green, green is good.  Flowers are growing and plants are lush.  That IS beautiful.

Like most people, I long for beauty.  I search for it.  I just have never searched for it in and amongst the ugly.

However, if I am asked by the Lord to give thanks in everything, it's here where I can begin to find thankfulness in the otherwise ugly.

"How we behold determines if we hold joy.  Behold glory and be held by God.  How we look determines how we live...if we live." ~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts