Learning to Be Resigned

An update on our sweet baby and his injured leg:

Our little guy spent the first couple of days in the cast with an overwhelming sense of frustration and pain. He DOES NOT like the fact that he can't be walking with his big brother (or running, as the case may be). He is so limited and so immobile...never in his life has this sweet child been held back before. He refused to crawl and just sat wherever he was placed, sometimes crying, and sometimes held his body posture with shoulders down, as if he's almost defeated.

This same child came out of the womb holding his head up and rolling (perfect 10 on APGAR) and has been moving around ever since. This cast has forced him to be an observer, not a participator. It's difficult for me to see him struggling and not be able to "fix" his leg. That's what moms are supposed to do for their children -- and I simply can't. It's heartbreaking!

The doctor in the E.R. said that we could remove the cast on Saturday night and see if he'd be able to walk again. We waited until Sunday morning just so that he'd have another night to continue to heal. We carefully removed the bandages that held the cast on. I had high hopes that he would take off running the moment he was free.

Sadly, this was not the case this morning. For the first time in 4 months, he started crawling instead. Not even one step on his foot. We tried to see if he would walk on his own but after a whole morning of crawling (and dragging his injured foot behind him), we gave him a bath (since we have not been able to give his a full bath since Thursday). We then decided that we had to put the cast back on for the pediatrician to remove and assess on Tuesday afternoon.

This afternoon and evening our little one seems to have amazingly turned the corner with his injury and limitations and seems to have gracefully learned to be resigned to this new way of life. Not happy about his situation, but not fighting it anymore.

Our precious little boy has taught me a lot. I feel as though he has come much further in his journey with this than his momma, who is really trying hard to be resigned and take heart that this was an accident and his pain will not be forever. I need to place my trust in the Lord to heal his leg in His timing, and then find peace in that.

I just want him to walk again!

The special gleam in his eye and cute trots down the hall that I have come to fall in love with seem to be so far away. I know they will return soon...It's just so hard to have them missing right now.

I guess this makes me so thankful for ALL the pitter patters his little feet have had so far...It is times like these that I realize that there really is so much to be thankful for.

(Above is a picture of the boys at a farmer's market yesterday. I LOVE that our 3 year old was really trying to help our baby have fun in the stroller.)