It's a Process

Like a broken record, I keep repeating the words spoken to me from many experienced parents who have walked in my shoes with a strong willed 2 year old, "This too shall pass."...

As I eluded to yesterday, it seems as though I am scraping by each day with our youngest. He's 23 months but might as well be considered 2 with the behavior he's been displaying lately.

I love him dearly. He's extremely spunky, fun, energetic, adorable and giving me a run for my money.

I would LOVE any advice that's worked for people with children this age. I will say though, I am not planning on spanking unless it's something that calls for a very severe punishment. I feel very strongly about this, but do not condemn other parents who use this form of discipline with their kids.

There are 2 reasons that drive me from wanting to spank. One reason is something I learned from a Christian counselor. He opened my eyes to the original meaning of "spare the rod, spoil the child". When taken in it's context, this verse is related to the process of how a shepherd guides and directs his precious sheep with his rod -- "rod" being another name for a shepherd's staff.

The image of a loving and gentle shepherd carefully using the crook of his staff to redirect and provide boundaries for his sheep when needed is the approach my husband and I strive to take with my boys.

Although spanking may fall into the "guiding" process for some, I'd rather attempt to do it other ways than that being a primary way of discipline.

The second reason is that I do not ever want to spank out of anger or frustration. I have seen how this can happen to good, well-meaning parents, over and over again. I do not want that to be me when I've been pushed to my limit.

So, that being said, I am searching for other ways to approach a strong willed child as I guide and direct him through this time. I have read many books about parenting and discipline, taking bits here and there of helpful ideas. I am a huge fan of Love and Logic and have used that successfully with our older son, but the skills that we use with him are geared for kids a bit older than 2. And, he's been a bit easier when it comes to "training".

The ultimate goal I am working on is for our littlest to be successful throughout the day, (and in the process, I will be too).

Here's a list of some of the battles:

First thing in the morning, I get him out of his crib and have to change his VERY heavy diaper that he's been laying on for 12-13 hours. He is strong and fights hard as I put him on the changing table. I have tried books, pictures, toys that play music, anything I can think of to distract.

I use the safety belt to hold him down but he rolls around with that, thrashing and kicking me. Most of the time he has wiggled enough that he slips out by the end of the experience.

The next thing that I need to do is put on dry clothes since he wets through his pj's at night. I have found it's easier for me when I put him on the floor, but he fights me as I try to put his legs into the pants and runs out of his room, (he can open child locked doors within a second). He then runs down the hall as he takes off the diaper that I tried SO hard to put on him just before.

I finally get through this process and head downstairs with him for breakfast. (Thankfully he's a great eater and getting him to eat is not a battle.) But, pushing the table when he's done, putting his feet up on the table, and fighting me as I clean off his sticky hands is a huge battle.

When it's time to head out the door in the morning, brushing teeth and hair becomes the next battle. He runs when he knows it's that time. He'll run very quickly, then scale the child safety gate on the stairs then head upstairs. I then have to remove the gate and go after him.

When it's time to get him into his car seat, he trashes, kicks, and throws himself into the middle seat. I then have to attempt to relocate him, (as he's thrashing), and put him into his seat and quickly buckle him in before he repeats the whole process.

Then, when we get to where we're going, it's that same process to get him into the stroller. If I don't do the stroller, he's running as fast as he can through a parking lot and wiggles free from my hand...and he WILL NOT come back when I call him.

During the day, some of the battles include turning on the fireplace, breaking into my bathroom, breaking off the tops of our almost blooming tulips. throwing significant amounts of sand out of the sandbox, breaking apart his brother's train tracks, tipping over lamps, moving kitchen chairs to get up on the counters, climbing on top of EVERYTHING he can, etc.

Now, I do not allow him to get away with all these things without a punishment, but as you can see, the list is SO extensive and I am having to watch him VERY closely ALL DAY LONG. This is both exhausting and limiting me from getting laundry, dishes, cooking, etc., done each day. Talking on the phone proves to be almost impossible most of the time -- if I want to keep close tabs on him.

The things like breaking tulips, turning on the fireplace, breaking his brothers things, are all quickly followed up by a 2 minute time out in his crib, and a brief talking to. Many times he will once again go and do the same thing...only to repeat the process again and again and again.

But when we need to go somewhere and he's fighting me with buckling him into the car seat, I do not always have the time to stop, leave our 4 year old in the car, take him to a 2 minute time out, then start the whole process again, and again.

I am trying my best to be extremely consistent in my follow-throughs because he does notice if the result is any different and will do it even more.

So, as you can see, this is all day, every day. This list does not include the other disciplining I do with our oldest throughout the day either. I am SO exhausted, frustrated, and simply burned out.

I am trying to go through and make decisions on the spot as things happen, what can and can't be let go of...thus choosing my battles. However, many of the battles listed above are non-negotiable for safety or other reasons.

We will be going in a month for his 2 year check-up. At that point, I will be talking to the doctor and seeing if this behavior could at all or partially be due to food allergies. I think it's well worth pursuing as I seek solutions.

I know that he's testing me and his environment and that's all part of learning and thankfully, this too shall pass, but I would love advice/encouragement as I am in the midst of these battles.

Thank you.